Plenty of artists in music now got their first taste of fame through television. Drake would be an immediate example. It can be a huge help in pushing music careers. However, for few, it's either a gift or a curse. Take Riff Raff for example. Many know of him from the MTV reality show From G'z To Gentz. A show that took thugged out guys off the street and tried turning them into clean cut gentleman. Now me personally I never did watch this show but based on reactions from those who did, Riff Raff was the stand out guy on the show. Mostly because of his rap skills...or lack there of. Everywhere I look, he seems to be the victim of countless jokes. Although he looks extremely corny, I couldn't judge until I finally heard his music. Now was the time. This is his sophomore album Neon Icon. Based on how everyone perceives him and based on what I already know about him, I was honestly expecting the worst. Guess what? That's exactly what I got. I am not exaggerating when I tell you this is easily the worst album I've heard so far in 2014. I honestly don't even know where to begin here. Everything from the lyrics to the production to the content was absolutely piss poor. There was not one original or creative idea presented anywhere on this album. Riff Raff comes off to me as simply a country white dude from Texas pretending to be thugged out or hood. It's almost like he's a comedian and he's spoofing southern gangster rappers. Speaking of comedians, that's really the only thing I could get out of this album was the comedy from his atrocious lyrics. I mean not since 2 Chainz first album have I literally been in tears of laughter listening to such terrible bars. So much corniness, so much lameness that it was unbearable. I mean just look at this dudes album cover. It just absolutely screams comedy. Not in a good way either. So because there were so many notable horrendous lines on this album, I'll list them all at the bottom of this review. Anyway now, as you probably have guessed by now I have way more negatives than positives so I'll start there. The album starts off with "Introducing The Icon". This actually was an okay song. Not as bad as the rest of the album. The lyrics and beat are still rubbish but his flow was alright and made it a little bit passable. It was here I thought to myself that maybe this won't be as bad as I've been expecting. I spoke way too soon. Right after that song this album goes down hill super fast. "Kokayne" sounded like some awful fusion of hip hop and country rock music. The hook was awful and the beat was a cluttered mess. A lot of the beats on this album sounded like generic throw away beats that the producers just had laying around and decided to give to Riff Raff. This sounded like one of them. "Versace Python" was another lame hook song filled with more comical lines. On this song as well as some others, he kinda raps with somewhat of a Pimp C like flow and voice. You could say that's his way of paying respect to him but I think Pimp C is doing back flips in his grave at the sound of these songs. Then, for you sneaker heads, there's the excessively titled "Tip Toe Wing In My Jawwwdinz". This had a trap inspired beat that for the most part was decent at best but the horrific hook and yet again horrific lines makes it a ear bleeder. I mean this hook is a perfect example of what I said before. It sounds like he's purposely sounding bad in a spoofing effort. It's like watching sketch comedy on TV. "Lava Glaciers" shows him completely not giving no fucks about riding a beat. I at times hate it when rappers rap fast on slower beats especially when they sound like this guy. Not even Childish Gambino's dope guest verse could save this train wreck. "Aquaberry Dolphin" was one of the most comical songs on the album. First of all, this dude literally put dolphin sound effects in the beat. That just reached all new heights of corniness. The lines (see bottom) were so horribly funny. Even Mac Miller, who's verse was cool, stooped to his level of corny with lame lines of his own ("these hoes thirsty and I look like pink lemonade"). But knowing Mac Miller I'm sure he was goofing around while Riff Raff is dead serious. Now I had the save the two most absolutely horrific songs of the album for last. The first is "Time". Picture this: You're hanging out at the karaoke bar having drinks enjoying yourself. Then that one sixty something year old drunk white guy gets on the mic and starts singing some terrible country music. Slurring words and everything. That's exactly what this sounds like. I mean that's literally what I pictured the whole time listening to this travesty of a song. Then...there's "VIP Pass To My Heart". Words cannot describe the level of horror I went through listening to this monstrosity. The beat has this awful techno/dance sound. Worst of all thought, he...is....singing. The whole song. It is some of the worst vocals I have ever had the discomfort of hearing. The audio sounds distorted as hell. On top of it all, he had the audacity to sing on auto-tune. Auto-tune! As if that would make this a more enjoyable song. This song alone made this album a painful listen. I wouldn't make my worst enemy listen to this. Truthfully, the only song that has any level of tolerance is "How To Be The Man" thanks in large part to DJ Mustard. The remix however is much better thanks to Slim Thug and Paul Wall's guest verses saving the day. Man...overall, this album was just too God awful for words to describe. Not even the comedy and the cool guest verses could uplift this album from the pits of failure. I give this a final grade of an E. The sad part about this is, if he actually gave a real effort, Riff Raff could be a decent rapper. I can see it in him. But he's so stuck in this goofy and corny persona that he believes this is who he really is. He's a cross between Vanilla Ice and B-Rad from Malibu and he thinks the hood feels that? It's almost a complete joke to even consider him an artist. I do wish him the best of luck with all of his future endeavors. But after this nightmare, I think I'll pass on "the icon" next time. End.
Final Grade: E
Notable wack lines
"Look who it is it's the white Chris Rock"
"Catch me cooking cookies but I'm not your damn granny"
"But I step inside the club and I smell like Power Ranger"
"Ice in my ear look like a baby penguin"
"Rockin' all this snow might freeze a rainbow"
"I'm the white Gucci Mane with a spray tan"
"You should practice martial arts the way you karate chop my heart"
"Ah shit look who it is the white Wesley Snipes"
"Might be in a movie with Barry Sanders/or Adam Sandler and my cup is pink panther"
"Might hit the club as the white Danny Glover"
CREDITS
Executive Producers
Horst Simco
Thomas Pentz
Lead Artist
Horst Simco
Production
Rory Quigley
Thomas Pentz
Dijon McFarlane
Larry Fisherman
Rafael Greifer
D.J. Allen
Collaboration
Donald Glover
Michael Posner
Malcolm McCormick
Amber Coffman
Stayve Thomas
Paul Slayton
Label
Mad Decent Records
Mic's Mixtape Of The Week
Chris Webby
The Checkup
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Orlando, FL
Twitter/Instagram: @siimplyashh
Copyright 2014. Mic Navarro's Corner.
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